Gratitude Day 10- Being currently employed

Sometimes, I just dismiss my job. I've been at my job many years, and it pays me very little. A very real fear of failure held me back for a long time, keeping me in the same place. Now, a very real slowdown in the job market does the same thing.

I still have the fear. Of failing. Trying and not making. Of being incompetent. The cycle of applying and being ignored for jobs just feeds my insecurities.

However, I do have a job right now. It doesn't pay anywhere near a plush wage. Intellectually, it isn't the most simulating thing I could be doing... but my bills are taken care of. Debt is being paid down. Fun is being had. Life is still good. Just need to push through the fear and keep trying for that distant goal. In the meantime, I'll pay my bills.

Gratitude Day 1: Iphone

I know, saying I'm grateful for my iphone makes me sound shallow. And certainly, it isn't my wisest purchase. However, this phone reminds me of how far I've come. There was a brief span in my life when I didn't have a phone, let alone a phone number for anybody to get a hold of me.

But when my parent's house got foreclosed when I was 17, I had limited options. As a minor, I could only work part time. I decided to tough it out until I turned 18. My parents kinda flew the coop, opting to stay in a motel. I decided to live with a boyfriend and his family until I could get on my feet. And lo- I did get a job. Managed to move out, even. Sharing an apartment wasn't ideal but it was close to school and cheap.

Good thing the rent was cheap, too, because that was all I could afford. Working at a computer store, I had no money for a computer. Or a phone. My room mates weren't interested in allowing me to use the landline, so payphone it was. The nearest payphone was over a mile away. Trudging down the hill, I would hope whoever I decided to call would pick up. And as for emergencies? I better not have those. That was less than 10 years ago... now I have a phone. A nice phone that I worked hard to buy, and hard to pay the bill for. And I can't really lie, it's pretty awesome.